“Anxiety has been my constant companion for years.
As soon as I start feeling good, it takes over again.”
I hear this or similar statements often in my practice. Such statements are understandable, of course, but unfortunately also very dangerous because they not only describe the current situation but also shape the future. Many are unaware of the hidden (self-)programming a sentence like this contains. It’s as if we’re assuming with 100% certainty that the anxiety will continue to appear every time things start to look up.
I’m not suggesting you should start lying. Saying, “I feel sooo great! I don’t know what anxiety is” doesn’t help either. But what does make a big difference is to consciously limit the statement to the past, leaving a sort of “vacuum” for the future: “So far, anxiety has been my constant companion. Whenever I started feeling good, it took over.” This still reflects the truth but leaves room for change.
If you like, you can also consider whether the word “always” could be replaced with “sometimes.” Here’s an example: Compare Version 1: “Whenever I think things are getting better, I have a setback.” with Version 2: “Sometimes, when I think things are getting better, I have a setback.”
If you think about it carefully, the word “sometimes” is probably closer to the truth than “always.” So, by saying “always,” not only are you lying to yourself, but you’re also subconsciously pushing yourself toward the negative without realizing it. Words like “always,” “never,” “constantly,” “everything,” etc. are called generalizations. Overgeneralizing can easily turn a simple, treatable anxiety disorder into a generalized anxiety disorder.
For many people, even the slightest glimmer of hope is extinguished by such generalizations. Old beliefs can also have a similar destructive potential.
Here are a few typical examples:
“I just don’t have enough strength to do the exercises.”
“I can’t concentrate well enough to read a book.”
“I don’t have time…”
“I’m too sick or too scared…”
“I’m afraid to start tapering off the medication.”
The specific content may vary, but the underlying tone is always the same: “I can’t do it.”
In these cases, it makes a lot of sense to apply the auditory techniques from my book. Additionally, you can simply test how your feelings change when you make a habit of starting your sentences with a “magic word”—whether spoken or just thought.
The first magic word is “SO FAR!”
“So far, I just didn’t have enough strength to do the exercises.”
“So far, I couldn’t concentrate well enough to read a book.”
“So far, I didn’t have time…”
“So far, I was too sick or too scared…”
“So far, I was afraid to start tapering off the medication.”
Can you feel how this magic word changes EVERYTHING?
“Until now” has the same effect, by the way:
“Until now, I was too afraid…”
“Until now, I hadn’t dared…”
“Until now, nothing has worked for me.”
Whether you use “so far” or “until now,” the more often you manage to place these words before your thoughts or beliefs, the sooner you’ll notice a shift in your overall way of thinking. And this shift is one of the most important steps toward a happy and self-determined life.
I wish you great success with it! Keep going—you’ll see it’s worth it!
Best regards,
Klaus Bernhardt
Troy A.
Tampa, Florida